Your decisions for your children post-separation do not have to fit a "one-size-fits-all" mold. The best decisions are individualized - for each child and each family (even when no longer intact). Mediation gives you a chance to explore options for such decisions.

We MEDIATE! find out more here: MettaMEDIATION

A THOUGHT FOR A TUESDAY: when you have a disagreement with someone, your goal should be to resolve the disagreement at hand but also to maintain the relationship in the long-run. Dialogue with a skilled mediator gives you the best chance of achieving those goals. That is because mediation, as a method of resolving a dispute, is not reactive - it is thoughtful, deliberate and methodical - that is the most fertile soil for a long-term solution.

For more information about our MEDIATION services, visit here: MettaMEDIATION

WE MEDIATE!

We now offer mediation services.

May Ontarians are under the misconception that separation HAS to involve the Court.

THAT IS INCORRECT - we cannot make it plainer than that!

Separating spouses have A RANGE OF OPTIONS for addressing all issues arising out of their separation. MEDIATION is one of the available methods for addressing issues like kids, where they live, who makes decisions about then, support for a spouse and/or the children and all issues related to property division.

MEDIATION is a much more hands-on process than is a court proceeding. In MEDIATION, parties/parents have a much better opportunity to participate in decisions about their future, and the future of their children. In Court, most of such decision are handed to a stranger, a JUDGE. In MEDIATION, the parties, with the assistance of the mediator, have the opportunity to craft their own deal.

While MEDIATION is not appropriate for every case, it is a valuable option for MANY Ontarians.
To find out more about our mediation services, please call the office at (905) 898-8500.

Christmas Access Angst.....

Only 11 days left until Christmas as I write this.....

Most parents who celebrate the season with their kids are in the midst of finalizing their shopping lists and finding reliable hiding spots for the gifts. Many share with their friends their "close encounters" of being caught moving Elf on the Shelf.

Many separated and divorced parents already know when their kids will be with each of their parents over the holidays. Specific celebration are already organized around those times, including with extended family. In many homes, Christmas Eve is the most important night of celebration. Families gather at the festive table and in some traditions, including among Poles, Santa's gifts are opened on Christmas Eve. For others, Christmas Morning is what it's all about. Many parents insist there is nothing quite like seeing your child, still in their pajamas, ripping through wrapping paper to get to their much-coveted prize.

There are parents, believe it or not, who have worked out arrangements in advance and will not face the angst often associated with addressing access issues during this holiday season.  How did they do it and is their experience something YOU can build on to make more manageable this already-stress-filled time of the year? Here are some suggestions:

1. Direct dialogue between parents is the ideal. They, working together, are in the best position to work out arrangements for the holidays.  If you are expecting some negotiations in direct discussions, start early. Do not give up on this approach just because you expect some resistance. Open dialogue is the key and there is a great sense of empowerment and satisfaction when parents are able to successfully sort out this issue on their own (not to mention the legal fees saved or even eliminated altogether).

2. Mediation is another, very useful option. Christmas access can be addressed as part of a larger mediation dealing with all of the children's issues but it does not have to be - parents can approach a mediator with a specific request to deal with Christmas access only - a one-issue mediation. The key is to start the process early so that there is time for any meetings, discussions and the writing up of the agreement. We are great supporters of mediation and have seen it deal successfully with even the most difficult and emotionally-charged situations.

3. Parenting Plans and Separation Agreements, particularly when negotiated in advance, can provide an indispensable road map for how to deal with Christmas (and in fact, any other holiday with the children). Whether worked out through mediation or with the assistance of lawyers or even a judge (in the case management process), Separation Agreements and Parenting Plans can include mechanisms (as detailed as the parents needs them to be) for sharing, dividing, or even alternating the specific days, year to year.

4. Court should be the last resort. There are parents who simply cannot work out the issue of Christmas access, not directly, not through mediation or through counsel. There are many reasons for this (and we are planning on addressing some of them through future posts). In those situations, and assuming neither side is prepared to compromise for the sake of the Kids and overall peace, a motion may be necessary. What is that exactly? It's a request to a Judge, by way of a Court hearing, to determine the Christmas schedule by Court Order.

If you have been left with no choice but to bring a motion, do so in as much advance of December 24th as possible (that is generally the last day on which Christmas motions are heard, assuming it does not fall on the weekend). This should REALLY be the last resort. Imagine not knowing where the children may be the very evening of the day the Court Order is made!? (if the motion is argued as late as December 24th). Imagine your children not knowing where they will be and when!!!? Yes, there are scenarios in which there is no other options but you owe it to yourself and to your children to start the discussions about this issue EARLY so if the need for a motion is identified, the hearing can take place in early December.

Most of all: - be reasonable. This Season is about peace, harmony and compassion. It is not about winning, it is not about besting the other parent in a competition about time, it is not your opportunity to punish the other parent for a past wrong, it is not about control. The more you and the other parent fight about the holidays, the greater the spill-over effect on your children. The magic of the season may very well be ruined for them, through your conflict. Think about that.

A very handsome Snowman from the Sutton Santa Claus Parade (2015)

3 Excellent Reasons to Try Mediation

Sometimes, the circumstances of a family law case require the involvement of a Judge. For example, the parties cannot agree on an important point of law and their deadlock can only be resolved by a Judge who makes a decision on the legal point. Or, by way of another example, parents disagree on what is best for their child and a decision has to be made quickly to address the child's best interests.

There are many family law cases, however, in which mediation is a viable option to address the many issues which result from relationship/marriage breakdown.

Here are our 3 Excellent Reasons to try mediation in a family law case:

1. You and your spouse get an opportunity to discuss difficult and sometimes uncomfortable topics in a safe, moderated setting - a skilled mediator will assist in organizing, pacing and moderating the discussion of the outstanding issues. Often, spouses approach a breakdown of a marriage or relationship at a different pace - a skilled mediator will factor that into how the sessions are organized and ensure that no one is pushed into discussions for which they are not ready;

2. You get a chance at designing your future - Mediation is a process in which both parties have a chance to participate actively in crafting their settlement. They can do so on their own with only the mediator present or they can attend mediation with their respective lawyers. One way or another, they can and should engage in active discussions, with the mediator and with each other (as moderated by the mediator). This active engagement, through actual discussions, is not something that the court process generally accommodates.

3. Mediation can be an empowering process - you get a chance to "say your piece" - you can get across your point of view on the issues and provide explanations for the positions you are taking. A mediated discussion can be much more dynamic, much more of a dialogue, than the litigation process, for example, where generally speaking, each side presents their position and a judge makes a decision.

Mediation is not suitable for every case: - it is definitely not an option where there is a power imbalance between the parties. Appropriate (mandatory) screening will determine whether a particular case can proceed to mediation.

If you are interested in mediation and would like names of skilled mediators in your geographical area, please contact the office and Carolyn will be happy to provide you with referrals. We have experience with many mediators throughout the GTA and surrounding areas.

What is ADR?

ADR stands for alternative dispute resolution (sometimes also referred to as external dispute resolution). This term describes collectively various approaches for resolving disputes between two (or more) parties without having to use the court system.

Alternative dispute resolution encompasses dispute resolution mechanisms such as mediation, arbitration, mediation/arbitration, negotiation, collaborative law and other subcategories of dispute resolution. 

ADR has become an increasingly viable and popular method of addressing disputes, including family law disputes, for a number of reasons. The administration of justice, including in Ontario, has faced increasing pressure from a number of fronts. Rapid urban expansion has meant that courts are facing more and more litigants every day. In the meantime, there is competition for financial resources, including from healthcare. As courts become busier and busier, alternative methods of addressing disputes become increasingly attractive. More and more litigants are turning to mediation and arbitration, for example, to sort out their family law problems.

In summary terms, mediation is a process where spouses meet with a third party who is skilled at facilitating negotiation between them. Mediation may be open or closed. In closed mediation, nothing said in the context of the negotiations with the mediator can be repeated in either an existing or a later court proceeding.  In open mediation, the reverse is true and either party may request that the mediator issue a report summarizing the process and outcome of the mediation. Either party may then rely on this report before the court.

Arbitration is essentially "private court". The parties to an arbitration agree that a person selected by them (the arbitrator) will make a binding decision on the issue(s) put before him or her. In Ontario, the arbitrator is bound by the same law that a judge would be bound in making his or her decision for the parties.

Mediation/arbitration is a hybrid of the two processes described above. For a period of time, the parties attempt mediation. Based on specific, agreed-to terms, the mediation ends if the parties are unable to reach a resolution and the mediator then puts on an arbitrator's hat. This means that he/she then convenes a formal hearing of the outstanding issue(s) and after considering evidence and submissions, makes a binding decision for the parties.

For further information about how ADR may be of assistance to you in a family law dispute, speak to a family law lawyer.

Artwork: Kees Van Dongen