Christmas access tips....

With the holidays approaching, many parents are thinking of and planning for Christmas access. Here are some basic tips:

1. Plan and prepare early. Give yourself and the other parent a reasonable opportunity to propose a schedule to each other, discuss it and confirm it. Leave room and time for some negotiation.

2. Always think of your child/children first. This may sound like the most basic of concepts but, surprisingly, it gets lost in so many fights about access over the holidays. This is a special time for kids - yes, it's a special time for you as well but they, and not you, are waiting for presents and the smell of gingerbread. Make the holidays as stress-free for kids as possible - this includes not having to watch parents fight or to hear one parent making disparaging comments about the other.

3. If you plan on travelling with your child/children, advise the other parent as much in advance as possible. Draft, sign and have notarized a detailed Travel Consent so that you are less likely to be turned away at the border when travelling for your holiday. Give the other parent (and include in the Travel Consent) detailed information about your destination, method of travel and contact information.

4. If you and the other parent cannot agree on holiday access, one of you may have to ask the Court to assist. Family Courts are very, very busy before the holidays, precisely because of numerous requests for assistance with access. Try and not be the parent sitting in Court for hours, waiting to be heard by a stranger to your family, a Judge, to make a decision about your children over the holidays. Work with the other parent.

5. There are many different ways of handling the holiday access schedule. For example, you can divide the school holidays in half and alternate those two halves, year to year. Or, you can alternate just Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. Other alternatives are available. Speak to a family law lawyer to assist you and tell you about other choices.

Above all, have a safe and restful holiday season....

What is a "nesting arrangement"?

A nesting arrangement, also known as a "bird's nest arrangement" or "bird nesting arrangement" is one in which a child or children continue to live in the residence which was their home at the date of their parents' separation.  This, in and of itself, is not uncommon post-separation but here, the parents' time with the child/children is based on their moving in and out of the home for fixed periods of time. Just like birds taking turns to look after eggs or chicks in a nest, these parents return to the home based on a fixed schedule while the children continue to live in the home without interruption.

All residential arrangements for children have their unique pros and cons. Some argue that nesting arrangements are least disruptive to children's lives.  For example, they enable the child/children to continue to attend the same school and to maintain their peer relationships and activities. On the con side, the nesting arrangement means that the parents need to obtain their own accommodations for those periods of time when they are not residing in the home with the child/children. In other words, three separate residences are involved (one for the children and two for each of the parents). The reality is that a true nesting arrangement is possible only in cases where the parents' financial means permit it. It can be expensive.

Nesting arrangements can only work in situations in which the parents remain civil and cooperative with each other. There are many reasons for this.  By way of one example, if a nanny is involved, cooperating parents will continue to have the same nanny assist the children/parents when both parents are in the home. If parents are not cooperative with each other, one parent might, for example, insist on a care arrangement for the child/children which is different than what the other parent wants (e.g. not a nanny). This creates a logistically difficult situation, for all concerned including the nanny.

In our view, nesting arrangements are feasible only on a temporary basis. It is difficult to imagine two adults (the parents) continuing to reside in two residences on more than a temporary basis.

When it comes to children's residential arrangements, there is a number of reasonable alternatives which we discuss elsewhere in this blog. If you are interested in exploring these alternatives further, we suggest you speak to a lawyer who has experience in this area.

 Park of Schunbrunn ~ Gustav Klimt (1916)

"Shared custody" and "Split custody"

In general terms, in Ontario the phrase "custody" refers to decision-making about a child or children. For example, we use the phrases "sole custody" and "joint custody" to describe arrangements based on which either one or both parents make major decisions about a child or children.

The Child Support Guidelines (both federal and provincial) use the phrase "custody" in a different way and this occasionally causes confusion among parents facing separation.

The phrases "shared custody" and "split custody" refer to a child's or children's residential arrangements rather than the basis on which the child's or children's parents made decisions about them.

Shared custody is a situation in which each of the parents has residence of or access to a child or children for at least 40% of the time. Special child support considerations apply in such situations and in the Federal Child Support Guidelines, those considerations are addressed by section 9.

Split custody is a situation in which each parent has custody of one or more of the children (for split custody to apply, there must be at least two children). Again, the Guidelines provide for a specific mechanism for addressing child support in those situations, under section 8.

Art by Leontine Greenberg - http://www.flickr.com/photos/leontinemay/